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“Why am I not happy?
I have everything one could ask for but it just doesn’t feel good.”
Does that sound familiar?
Then don’t go anywhere!
In this article I’m showing you several possible reasons why you’re not happy. Once you’ve figured out what the reason for your unhappiness could be, you’ll also learn how to get out of it.
While I’ve luckily never been depressed or suffered from anxiety, there have definitely been periods in my life where I felt miserable.
One part that I remember very vividly was in my early 20s. I was desperate to have a boyfriend because I just felt so lonely.
And so I basically threw myself onto every man that showed at least a little interest.
It probably goes without saying that none of these encounters ended in a serious relationship…
And the more dates that ended nowhere, the more I got frustrated and the more miserable I got.
Luckily, I finally got out of this rut. And now I’m here to show you what helped me.
Why am I not happy?
So, why are you not happy?
Well, there can be tons of reasons. I’m going to go over some of the most common ones. Hopefully, you’ll be able to recognize yourself in one or more of these.
You feel like the victim
It’s very common for unhappy people to feel like the victim.
This means that you’ll think that bad things only happen to you. Or you’re cursed to attract only negative events. Or you feel like life is just so unfair to you while others are so blessed.
While it’s certainly true that there is inequality in life, this victim-mindset is often mainly caused in our heads.
Very successful people often had to go through a whole lot of bad stuff. It’s not uncommon for such people to have been faced with bankruptcy or to have come from a poor or maybe even abusive background.
Here are a few examples:
- Simone Biles: Not only did she have a traumatic childhood, but she also got sexually abused as a teenager
- Elon Musk: He got emotionally abused and beaten by his father and viciously bullied by his classmates
- J.K. Rowling: she was a broke and depressed single-mom who’s manuscripts got rejected by countless publishers before Harry Potter finally got accepted
Here are 10 more examples and you’d find tens of thousands more.
But guess what’s the difference between them and unhappy you?
They see these things as challenges. They learn from negative experiences and they simply never give up!
Even if a lot of negative things have happened to you, you won’t be able to change that by feeling sorry for yourself!
Keep that in mind as you read on.
There’s no “why” in your life
Another huge reason why people are unhappy is because they lack a “why” in their life.
They feel like their life is purposeless. Nothing to aim for, no big dreams or goals. They feel like they’re basically just surviving.
This is one of the main reason why people who seem to have it all are often miserable.
What will excite you if you’re a billionaire and everything’s going the way you want?
What will you be aiming for?
There isn’t much left to be aiming for, right?
So, what’s the purpose in life, then?
While we could get very philosophical here, let’s keep it simple.
Because even people who have everything can find a new purpose in life. Charity or helping others for instance is highly rewarding.
Helping others will make yourself feel needed. And isn’t it the best thing to make someone else smile?
So, the purpose in life doesn’t have to be monetary. Neither does it have to be something society asks from us, like having a family.
You can completely chose your purpose in life on your own.
The important thing is to simply have one.
Lack of self-esteem
You won’t believe it but so many of our problems actually come from a lack of or low self-esteem.
Unfortunately, many people don’t think very highly of themselves. This can go as far as them thinking they don’t deserve good things happening to them.
Or it might get them thinking that happiness just isn’t meant for them and that only other people can enjoy it.
Here’s a very good explanation from Douglas Bloch:
The next reason why you might be unhappy are your unreasonable expectations.
Do you know that feeling of looking at your to-do list in the evening and feeling like you didn’t even get half of it done?
That’s what I feel like on a regular basis…
The same can happen with your expectations.
Are you striving for perfection and are always aiming much higher than you’re realistically able to get to?
Well, this naturally results in you feeling like a failure all the time, right? You feel like you can never reach your goals which leaves you extremely frustrated.
If you recognize yourself in these words, I’ve got 2 other articles that will help you:
- How to deal with perfectionism – 16 tips to help you
- 7 tips on how to set goals and actually achieve them
You’re disconnected from yourself
This was probably the biggest reason for my unhappiness a few years ago.
On the surface level, I felt like it was because I never managed to have a boyfriend for longer than a few months.
And that left me miserable.
But the actual reason was that I was completely disconnected from myself.
I had no idea who I really was. This resulted in me constantly looking for something or someone to hold on to. I literally felt lost!
You’re externally looking for happiness
This leads me to my next point: I was also looking externally for happiness.
For the longest time I was convinced that I would be fully happy if I was in a relationship.
I also felt like a few other achievements, like getting a full-time job, would make me happy.
But I never really thought about looking within myself.
While I theoretically knew that external things won’t make me happy, this didn’t stop me from believing it all the same…
External factors can indeed give you a burst of positive energy. But that only lasts for a very short time. And once it has worn off, you’ll be craving for the next thing.
This is a vicious circle that will never be able to provide you with real happiness.
People around you drag you down
Take a moment to think about your friends and people around you.
Are they mostly negative?
Do you often talk about negative things with them?
This can be a huge factor in aggravating your unhappiness.
If you constantly get in contact with negative emotions and vibrations, you’ll naturally become more negative yourself.
You’re focusing on the negative
The same is true for other negative things, such as the news.
If you’re watching the news a lot and you love to read about apocalyptic future theories, well, you’re really making it hard for yourself to be happy!
Of course there’a a lot of terrible things going on in the world.
But will you make it any better by feeling miserable?
Nope, rather the opposite. You’re bringing even more negativity into the wold, which certainly won’t make it a better place!
The last reason why you might not be happy is depression.
This is the most drastic reason and nothing that I’ll be able to fix with this blogpost.
If you feel like your negativity is dragging you down, you struggle to get out of bed and you’re doing nothing more but to survive, then you might actually be depressed.
Now, don’t worry, there are ways to get out of it and many people are proof of that.
But it will require some work and a therapy to help you get back on track.
How do I stop being so unhappy?
Now let’s go over to the action-based part of this blogpost. In this section you’ll learn how you can stop being so unhappy.
Before you keep reading, I need you to sit up straight and tell yourself that you have the right to be happy!
It will require some work but you can get there!
So, don’t you dare sinking back into your slump and feeling like happiness just isn’t meant for you.
Oh, no! You can get there, but you need to believe in yourself!
Btw, if you’re ready to take some action and your dream life looks something like: quitting your 9-5, traveling the world and having a business you love, then get my free 9-5 exit strategy workbook where I show you exactly how I did it!
Shift your mindset
Okay, so we kind of already started with the first point: you need to shift your mindset.
And you actually need to do it on a few different levels.
First of all, you need to build up your self-esteem. You’re worthy of happiness, everyone is. But you need to believe this too.
Life is hard, I get it.
And it might be harder for you than for others.
I’m not trying to deny that.
But what purpose does it serve you to feel sorry for yourself?
How are you supposed to get anywhere in your life if all you do is explaining to yourself why you’re such a poor thing and why the world is evil to you?
Let me tell you straight up: you won’t get anywhere with this mindset!
So, in order to be happy you need to shift gears. Forget about all that sh*t that happened to you and finally become an action taker!
You’ll feel so much better simply by taking action on something, trust me.
In my article about how to have a positive mindset I’m going much deeper on this topic.
Smile as often as possible
Let’s start with a small action and that is to smile!
There’s evidence that smiling and laughing makes you happier, even if it’s forced.
So, make it a habit to smile as often as possible! If you can, even smile at other people. Because getting a smile back will make you feel even better.
Don’t believe me?
Well, try it yourself!
In case you really struggle to smile, just read some jokes or watch funny videos.
It doesn’t matter how you do it, just get those corners of your mouth up!
Btw, habits will make all of these steps much easier. If you don’t really know where to get started with them, here are some other articles for you:
- What exactly are habits?
- How are habits formed and how can they be changed?
- How many days does it take to develop a habit?
Exercising can actually have a huge impact on our mood. It’s the best way to reduce stress and help you calm your mind.
By moving your body, your brain will release positive hormones. This is why it’s important to exercise daily.
Don’t worry, you don’t need to hit the gym every evening.
A daily 30-minute walk will be enough to get started.
As you start to enjoying it more, you can upgrade to more intense exercising.
Here’s a good summary:
Meditation is an incredible tool to reshape and rewire your mind.
And it can help you tremendously in becoming happier.
If you meditate on a consistent basis you will understand all those aspects that I covered in this article on the experiential level. And this will make it that much easier for you to implement them.
In my last article I’ve shared my experience with Vipassana meditation.
Now, this kind of meditation completely changed my life. For the first time I actually understood that only I myself am responsible for my own happiness!
And I learned that I don’t need to share other people’s negativity. I can feel compassionate for them. But there’s no need to pick up their negativity and transfer it to myself.
Here’s the full video review:
See a therapist
Now, if none of those tips work and you feel like you can’t even laugh at the funniest joke, then it’s time to see a therapist.
Not all sorts of unhappiness can be solved by doing mind work on your own.
In some cases you’ll need external help to get you on track to happiness.
So, if you’re still feeling lost after trying to apply those tips, then don’t be ashamed to admit that you won’t get there on your own!
Okay, before we wrap this up, let’s look at a few related questions to general unhappiness.
Why am I not happy with myself?
So, all that we’ve just talked about is basically about why you’re not happy with yourself.
It might seem that it’s caused by external factors. But the reality is that you’re in fact unhappy with yourself. This will then project onto certain situations and people in your life which will make it look like they’re the cause.
Why am I not happy in my relationship?
One example is if you’re not happy in your relationship.
It doesn’t need to be, but the reason for your unhappiness in your relationship probably also has to do with one of the reasons listed above.
This is particularly true if you feel like your partner is actually perfect for you and you don’t understand why you’re not happy.
Another possible reason is a lack of communication.
Almost all couples struggle with communication to a certain extent.
But if you feel like you simply can’t talk about what’s bothering you, then this will sort of layer up your worry and will make you feel increasingly unhappy.
Why am I not happy with my job?
The last related question many people have is: why am I not happy with my job?
Well, I feel like with your job there can indeed be some external factors that make it hard for you to enjoy going to work.
You might get a lousy salary. Your boss might be an ignorant tyrant or you daily 4-hour commute simply kills you.
If you can clearly assign your unhappiness to one or several factors and you’re sure that it will be better in a different job, then I’d say it’s time for a change.
However, if everything in your job is pretty much standard, then it’s probably again your mind playing tricks on you.
If that’s the case, applying the tips listed above should help you better deal with the situation.
So there you have it.
These are the most common reasons why people are unhappy and what to do about it.
Could you recognize yourself in one or several points?
If so, that’s awesome!
This will make it so much easier to find your way back to happiness. Because now you can apply the tips listed in this article step by step.
Don’t overwhelm yourself. Start with something simple, like smiling as often as possible. And then build it up from there.
If you still have no idea what might be the cause for your unhappiness, then I highly recommend seeing a therapist. It’s always a good idea to get some professional opinion and find out what else you could do.
Are you dreaming of quitting your job, traveling the world and having a business you truly love? Well, that’s what I’m doing and I’ve packaged it all up in a free workbook! So, if you’re an action taker, then make sure to download my free 9-5 exit strategy workbook and steal my method!